My Handsome Life

May Your Days Be Handsome and Bright

2011-12-24T15:59:00.000-05:00

The Expendables

2011-12-22T00:23:00.000-05:00

During the heady days of "revolution" in the early '70's calling in a bomb threat to a high school was a common occurrence. The reasons were varied- ranging from being denied our constitutional right to smoke during shop class to just needing an excuse for a cheap laugh.

Sixteen million men served in the miltary during World War Two. After the war, the officers went on to New York City to work as executives on Madison Avenue or Pratt and Whitney to build airplane engines. The rest became phys-ed coaches at the nation's junior and senior high schools.

A man who, just a few scant years earlier as a 17-year-old Marine faced down a suicide charges by waves of doped up soldiers of the Japanese Imperial Army screaming "banzai" at the top of their lungs is going to be pretty unmoved about a few doped up hippies threatening to "bring down the system" from the safety of their "headquarters" next to the phone booth at the local Royal Castle.

Nowadays a simple fist fight brings out the National Guard and pleas for calm from the Vatican. The school is shut down, renamed and repainted to help erase the trauma and finally reopened a week later with teams of counselors on hand to ease the students back into their routines.

To the Greatest Generation teaching back in the seventies, bomb scares were seen at worst, as a nuisance and at best, as a chance for the staff to catch an extra cigarette break.

They never bothered to call the cops choosing instead to handpick a team of students to "look for a bomb." But who should they pick? Certainly not the star athletes, science nerds and valedictorian who were sent out to the parking lot to cower with the rest of the student body. The students chosen to comb the roofs for IED's were picked from the bottom of the barrel- the Expendables.

The Expendables could best be described as DECA students who all held jobs and non-DECA students who were unfit for the workplace.

DECA stood for Distributive Education Something Something - a work release program designed to give students practical experience in the work place where they received hands-on training in grocery bagging and urinal cake replacing in preparation for a career in bagging groceries and replacing urinal cakes.

The DECA kids missed most of the bomb scares because they were at work by 9 a.m. Nobody even knew their names because they were never there. That left those students who didn't know urinal cakes from Shakespeare to conduct most of the searches.

I always had fun waving to the student body from the cafeteria roof and pretending I was going to jump or fall off. The searches ended when the teachers signaled by collectively stamping out the butts on the asphault.

We were called into action several times during my senior year. Serving as an effective deterrent, no bombs were ever found. The season of unrest passed as graduation approached.

At the end of the year, trophies and scholarships were handed out, beauty queens were crowned and varsity letters were passed out to all the jocks. The kids in Distributive Education Something Something were recognized in the yearbook but not a word about "we few, we happy few, we band of brothers" some of whom went on to protect the school during the summer session.

The Seabees and Merchant Marines were never considered real military no matter how much danger they faced during World War Two. It took them nearly half a century to get official recognition and government benefits. We're not waiting.

Your letter is ready, Sir! Complete with faux-Fusilier medal emblazened with the MHL monogram. The next time you wear it when the wife sends you to the grocery store to pick up a barrel of "Tidy Cats" be prepared to hear "Dude, Where can I get one of those?"

The "Letter Sweatie." Now on sale at My Handsome Store.

Now You Can Do all of Your Christmas Shopping Without Leaving Home!

2011-12-16T14:59:00.003-05:00

The OTHER North Pole!

Fly on the Gossamer Wings of Handsome!

2011-12-12T22:02:00.000-05:00

The first in our exciting new product Air Handsome product line.
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Light up your Holidays!

2011-12-12T11:53:00.000-05:00

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2011-11-08T12:48:00.000-05:00

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Chester A. Arthur
POTUS 1881-1885
Most historians agree that Chester A. Arthur, (1881-1885) was the least handsome Commander in Chief followed by fellow one-termers Jimmy Carter (1977-1981) and Zachary Taylor (1849-1850.)

Zachary Taylor
POTUS 1849-1850

To be fair to "Old Rough and Ready," Taylor died after just sixteen months

in office and may have been simply having a bad hair day when his

daguerreotype was made. His running mate and successor,

Millard Fillmore was much uglier in this non-historian's opinion.

1960 Nixon-Kennedy televised debate

In 1960, Senator Kennedy and Vice President Richard Nixon squared

off in the nation's first televised Presidential debate. Nixon, recovering

from an injury and sweating profusely under the hot studio lights

dabbed at his face and lifted off enough "Man Tan" to expose

his infamous five o'clock shadow. The tanned and relaxed Senator

went on to win the election by a less-than-handsome 100,000 votes!

My Time in Uniform

2011-10-08T20:17:00.000-04:00

The author (left) on duty at Carlin Park, Jupiter, Florida, ca. 1973

Ocean Lifeguards (not to be confused with lake or swimming pool "lifeguards") are the nation's frontline of defense. A cross between the Coast Guard and Navy Seals, ocean guards see far beyond the the swimmers, scanning the horizon, torpedo buoy in hand, for boatloads of refugees, pirates, German U-boats (particulary during World War 2,) giant radioactive sea turtles (more of a Japanese phenomenon) or smart-ass surfers drifting into the swimming area.

My service as an Ocean Lifeguard ended after two years when the pressure of holding a full time job and cramming for my "History of Math" class at Junior (now Community) College simply became too much. The future was calling and it was time to hang up my lanyard and slather on one last coat of Bain D'Soleil.

"Hero" is the most overused word in the English language, except when it comes to Ocean Lifeguards. They are not, by nature, "attention whores" like firefighters are.You won't find them misusing taxpayer time and money muscling up in the stationhouse gym so they can pose for some bullshit calender to "raise money for charity."

Saving lives is its own reward. We did it because it was our calling-to give something back. The grateful look in the eyes of a sobbing young mother whose toddler you plucked from the undertow as she pushes a ten dollar bill into your hand to "buy yourself a carton of cigarettes" was all the "attention" we ever needed.

Other Than That, Mrs. Lincoln, How Did You Like The Shirt?

2011-03-17T12:46:00.000-04:00

Pictured here after being arrested for his role in the plot to assassinate President Lincoln, Lewis Powell poses handsomely on the deck of the U.S. monitor Saugus in1865 in a classic pullover available now at My Handsome Store!

The Pleasure of My Company

2010-12-01T16:46:00.004-05:00

I believe a man never looks better than when he's dressed in black tie. Or better yet- white tie.

The first dinner jacket or 'tuxedo" I ever wore was a cheap, out of style $15 number I rented for the 1971 Jupiter High Junior-Senior Prom. All the other guys blew $30 or more on gaudy jackets and ruffled shirts topped with gigantic butterfly bowties. I recall feeling slightly uncomfortable in my old rig- like Don Draper at a tractor pull. Adding to my miserable attire was my crowning glory: half brown/ half blond shoulder length hair- courtesy of a bottle of Clairol's Summer Blond that I split with my future art school roommate a year earlier.

"Blonde" leading the Blonde. The Jupiter High Junior-senior Prom, 1971. "Her Majesty" never spaketh to me again after that night.

I caved to current fashion the following year and
lost most of my blond hair after cutting it into
a stylish "shag." My demeanor took a serious turn
that year as my focus turned to pursuing
my post-graduation dream of being a lifeguard
and "surfing all day."

New Years Eve, 1989,
in a smart Ralph Lauren tux.
Everyone looked better
in 1989!

With WPBF reporter Terri Parker in 2008.

You simply can't go wrong in classic Brooks Brothers

black tie. I wear them while painting, at the football game

or blacktopping the driveway. But never before 6 p.m.!

A Family Tradition

2010-10-05T15:10:00.000-04:00

Welcome to My Handsome Life

Him Me

It's good to be handsome. Which I am. It's also good to be tall and rich, which I'm not. My father was handsome and he knew that as well. Once I overheard him say to himself as he finished his morning shave, "Ed Crowley, you gorgeous sonuvabitch, don't you ever die on me." But he died relatively young leaving ma and me just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.

I never learned to play that guitar ,settling for the bagpipes instead. Most of my life was spent as an Art Director and Political Cartoonist. But all that was yesterday- a harsh reality if I weren't so damned handsome.

"Fine! I'll leave! With my head held HANDSOME!"

2010-03-08T18:32:00.013-05:00

It is gratifying to see Handsome Awareness take root. Watch this very funny, poignant, very HANDSOME clip from the Jimmy Kimmel Show last night.

"I happen to have one of the best bodies here"

"You do?"

"He's wearing Spanx!"

"Those are my superhero tights. I fight crime in them!"

Watch it.

La Vie Handsome

2010-01-14T12:58:00.001-05:00

À Paris une journée particulièrement bonne de cheveux. Naturellement, journalière était une bonne journée de cheveux.

J'ai essayé d'apprendre à parler français à l'université junior de Palm Beach et ai échoué malheureux.

Ainsi tout que j'écris ici a été traduit par Babelfish- excepté le grand bloc de texte aléatoire que j'ai couperé-coll.

J'ai juste ajouté cela pour montrer au loin aux légions de dames parlantes non-Françaises qui suivent ma vie belle. Sans compter que ce blog est tout au sujet des images belles !

C'est moi, regardant en particulier se précipitant, dans un magasin parisien CA 1992 d'affiche. J'ai acheté une affiche de Robert Doisneau et quelques cartes postales de nudie. Avons-nous fait pas tous ?

Né à Besançon, le 26 février 1802.
Poète précoce, il concourut pour le prix de poésie à l'Académie à l'âge de 15 ans ; l'Académie crut que le jeune poète se moquait d'elle en donnant cet âge et ne lui accorda qu'une mention ; lauréat des Jeux floraux de Toulouse en 1819 et 1820, il fut nommé maître ès Jeux floraux. Il publia le premier volume des Odes et Ballades en 1822 et le second en 1826 ; entre ces deux volumes avaient paru les deux premiers romans, Han d'Islande en 1823 et Bug Jargal en 1825, et le Cénacle s'était fondé. La Préface de Cromwell en 1827 fit de Victor Hugo le chef de la nouvelle école romantique ;
les Orientales parurent en 1828. Louis XVIII avait pensionné le jeune poète, et la censure ayant interdit Marion Delorme, le premier drame écrit en vue de la scène, Charles X voulut l'indemniser en doublant le chiffre de sa pension, mais Victor Hugo refusa. Il écrivit alors Hernani, dont la première représentation au Théâtre-Français, le 26 février 1830, fut une bataille entre les deux parties littéraires et un triomphe pour les romantiques. Le Roi s'amuse, joué le 22 novembre 1832, fut interdit le lendemain ; un procès eut lieu devant le Tribunal de Commerce et l'auteur prononça un magnifique plaidoyer sur la liberté du théâtre.

'Tis the Season!

2009-12-03T15:35:00.002-05:00

The last night of my favorite year... entering the Young Friends of the Red Cross Ball on New Years Eve, 1988, held at Whitehall, Palm Beach.

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2009-11-09T12:41:00.003-05:00

Available exclusively at My Handsome Store, our "MadMan" Tie* features the MHL logo and "Not The Face!" catchphrase set in elegant Ebony on a field of French White. Doctors love how it looks with their labcoats! (Nurses too ;))

*Not to be confused with the hit tv series of a similar name. All sales final. MHL cannot guarantee delivery by Christmas.

Not the Face! Not the Face!

2009-10-28T17:44:00.031-04:00

Shortly after my twin brother, Steve (top photo, yes we are wearing the same shirt) and I arrived in the little south Florida town of Jupiter he was accosted by a gang of toughs on his way to junior high school.

One stepped forward and threatened my brother:
"Stay away from my girlfriend or I'll kick your ass," he explained. My brother didn't even KNOW the girl. Apparently she had remarked that he was "cute" and it was instant "Capulets vs. Montagues.

"I'll kick your ass, " he explained.

In a fistfight, my brother led with his nose which could projectile-bleed on command. It was a defense mechanism- like a porcupine or blowfish. His tormentors would recoil in horror at the sight of nose blood spraying their stupid "Ford, the Breakfast of Chevys" t-shirts. Most of his "fights" ended without a single punch thrown.

The easiest way to tell us apart was knowing that it was he who walked the school hallways, with his head tilted proudly back, chin up and nose thrust regally in the air sporting a bloody tissue dangling from one nostril.

I simply started throwing punches immediately when challenged which put the bully on defense. Invariably he'd go in to wrastling mode to get out of the way of my merciless windmilling fists of fury and the fight would end in a draw.

Most importantly, it left my face intact.

The Hunt Club

2009-10-25T13:59:00.001-04:00

My artist's studio- The Hunt Club, is normally closed to everyone. Few people, even members of my family, have ever been inside. It has nothing to do with modesty. I'd rather that people imagine fine art masterpieces inside than see the cold practical reality of the mostly commercial art on display.

A few months ago I turned my keys over to a visiting relative in need of a stay. A dinner party broke out one night and The Hunt Club was abuzz with friends and relatives. Food and drink was served followed by the requisite tour and ended with (more) drinks on the patio. Little comment was made about my paintings.

"Did you notice all the framed pictures he has of himself?" slurred one.

"He doesn't even know who the other
people are!" managed another.

Not entirely true- I recognized my twin brother in one photo and a couple of ex's in others. In my defense, only two (painted-self) portraits on display are of me alone and in the fencing photo my face is concealed by a mask.

"He's so conceited" said one as she polished off the rest of my best vodka.

My favorite picture, taken in Palm Beach on New Year's Eve in 1988, is at the top of this post. It stands in a frame nearest to the door of The Hunt Club- the last thing I see as I grab my keys.

So when Palm Beach Post columnist Jose Lambiet asked me to art direct a photo of him for a Palm Beach society magazine story about the "100 most influential people" in town, I included my picture in the shot. I reasoned (to myself) that the art deco frame matched the "Front Page" theme of the shot. Make that "100 and ONE most influential!" Photo by Jaime Kujala

Inspired, I used it once again to illustrate a story about Post columnist Frank Cerabino's ballroom dancing lessons. In this case, the photographer and I built an entire upside down room to enshrine my picture (lower left corner- click to enlarge.) Photo by Ray Graham
Was it "conceited" to use this breath-taking photograph as a prop? Was Alfred Hitchcock "conceited" when he appeared as cameos in all of his movies? Brilliant, I say! Quelle HOMAGE!

Dewey Defeats Truman!

2009-10-23T16:53:00.010-04:00

I never expected to be recognized as a "Senior Superlative" in my high school yearbook though I thought I had a shot at "Best Looking."

I didn't play organized sports, dressed poorly and was graduated from the bottom of my class. Small objects and toys were a choking hazard. My academic history was summed up in a handwritten note tucked in my "Life's File" that the Guidance Counselor kept. It read "Grades below average but passing. Likes to keep his hair long."

So when the yearbook came out it was no shock to me that I wasn't named "Most Likely to Succeed" and crowned "Wittiest" instead. A bit of typecasting as I had been humiliated with the "Class Clown" moniker in my sophomore year. My hapless twin brother was named "Friendliest" which was another way of saying "not as dangerous or sexy as his twin."

To my chagrin, a popular athlete was named "Best Looking" probably because "Most Athletic" went to someone else. He looked okay, I guess. He had a decent car and dressed better than I. Since I counted surfing as "taking a bath" he probably beat me on personal hygiene as well.

I demand a recount!

Facebook- the Living Obituary

2009-10-22T15:25:00.000-04:00

At first I uploaded old pictures to my personal albums out of pure vanity. It's common practice on Facebook to upload old pictures of yourself posing with old friends who you dutifully tag and share. Common sense dictates that you look really good in the photo- preferably better than your dear old friends.

Before Facebook, the only place we had this much control over our public image was on the obituary page in the local newspaper.

An obituary is your last chance to show off- to brag a little about your accomplishments, your children, your fabulous career or table top-hockey skills and most importantly, leave a final image in the reader's mind (I'm leaning toward this action photo taken about thirty years ago.)

And thanks to Facebook we not only get to float out trial balloons, we get a preview of what the mourners will say in the comment section!

Radio Handsome

2009-10-10T10:46:00.000-04:00

The great Phil Hendrie's funniest character - Chris Norton is constantly getting into trouble because he's "so good lookin."

In this clip- Chris' family is in an uproar after they caught him having "sess" (while wearing a "tuss") with his cousin at a wedding reception in his uncle's home.

Phil Hendrie is the funniest, most original performer in the history of radio.

But not the handsomest.

Go, Baby, Go!

2009-10-09T13:02:00.000-04:00

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Handsome-
it's the new "black."